The Science of Compassion

"No one has ever become poor by giving"

Anne Frank

I was listening to a random podcast I had downloaded on Stitcher and was instantly intrigued by the guest. The podcast: Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris. The guest: Kelly McGonigal. Episode #219 about making and breaking habits.

I'm an almost-Buddhist. I've read a lot and try hard to practice meditation (monkey brain says no). I do my best to be a compassionate, good person who doesn't hold on to anger. I fail more often than I succeed, unfortunately. I also noticed that when I am letting go of anger and not engaging with negative people, that's when I'm most often called a doormat. Weird, huh? (hey...there's that anger)

I downloaded one of McGonigal's books from Audible: The Science of Compassion: A Modern Approach for Cultivating Empathy, Love, and Connection. It's a relatively short book that really offers up a lot of the why behind compassion. This is something of a training book as well, with meditative exercises at the end of each chapter (monkey brain says no). But overall, I got out of it what I was expecting and some new things as well.

I'm a giver, to a fault. Need someone to head up a fundraiser for a good cause? I'll do it. Donations to shelters? I'll knit them and collect them and deliver them. Need money for something? I'll help. Need a volunteer? I got you. I'm the most social introverted person I know, putting aside my uncomfortableness to help out (I never put aside my awkwardness, sorry). McGonigal points out studies that prove that compassion, for the sheer desire to give compassion, actually has health benefits. There is a little moment of happiness in giving, a little rush of feeling good. It's nice to know it's helping me too! An interesting aside to that is if you are compassionate because you feel you have to be, are forced to be, or are doing it because of selfish reason? You do not get the same benefits.

She offers up guides on how to not get overwhelmed with empathy. There is such thing as a compassion burnout. Let's not forget self-compassion. For some reason, that's a hard one, right? Being kind to myself is the last thing on my mind and usually isn't practiced until....actually, it's not really practiced. I'm encouraged from this book to give it a try though. Being compassionate towards those who give you pain is another difficult one (yet easier than self compassion. I have issues).  I tried this mediation practice after the death of an uncle. I truly tried to push positive energy towards family that has caused nothing but grief.  I think I succeeded about 1% of the time.

Maybe 1% is too high.

Either way, this book gave me a lot to think about. With my history of illness and bad health, I've always felt the draw to help others. I need to learn that doesn't involve money and things all the time. It also involves sitting, listening, and being quiet.

Kelly McGonigal -This story is one of the ones in the book