Saturday, August 26, 2017

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

I'm so happy I finally got back to my IRL book club. This was the book I went back on, a bit depressing but full of topics for conversation.

I read this back in high school and remember being angry with it. Actually, let's be honest, I was just an angry teenager ( morphing into an angry 20-something for a bit). I was angry at Esther's passivity, her inability to take control of her own life, her lack of taking charge.

Now, at 41, I have a different take on The Bell Jar. Growing up female and not sticking to traditional roles has been very difficult. I can't imagine doing the same in the 1950's, where you have paths set out in front of you and you didn't dare veer from them. Where I feel I fought (and continue to fight) an uphill battle, doing the same in the 1950s could end in a breakdown, much like Esther.

Depression is a very real, very consuming illness. I was diagnosed in my 30s and still struggle. Some days, the best I can do is lay in bed and that's it. Other days, I can get out, go to work, school, etc and keep moving forward. I was most struck by Esther's depiction of the fig tree. All of the figs represent every thing she wanted to become, every path she wanted to take, yet she was stuck, sitting at the bottom of the tree watching the figs dry up and fall because she could not choose a path. In the '50s, her paths were wife and mother. That's it.

Reading about Esther's descent into her breakdown made me want to shake everyone around her and yell at them "Why can't you see that she's falling?!? Why don't you just step into her view and be there??" Everyone fell away from her when she pushed them back and she kept falling.

I don't know a great deal about Plath but my understand is that Esther is Plath and, knowing Plath's end, I do wish someone would have stepped in.

It really has done a lot of good for me to re-read books from my younger days because it amazes me how my life has changed my perspective. Teenagers really don't know much.




No comments: